Take Your Own Advice by Jeffrey Marsh

Author:Jeffrey Marsh [Marsh, Jeffrey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2023-05-16T00:00:00+00:00

I often get accused of being a cult leader. It’s a bizarre accusation. And admittedly, it’s a subset of the hate that I receive online. But I get comments, more frequently than you might think, saying, “Are you trying to lead a cult? Are you trying to be another God?” I think there are two reasons for this. Number one: I use some language that people associate with cults. I talk about my online community as family. I mean it sincerely, and I know it can be a loaded word for people, but I hope that we’re forging a new kind of family in our online space and our online community. Number two: Something cult leaders are known for is a love bomb. They “bomb” their followers with love and compliments, especially early on in the relationship. I’m guilty of doing that. Cult leaders use love bombs as a technique to get others to let their guards down. And then cult leaders manipulate people or start to be mean or abusive to them to get what they want. Of course, I don’t do any of that second part. My kindness is sincere. But cults are an extreme example of how our desperation for (outside) love can make us vulnerable to false love.

The sense of family I get from social media, our community online, is genuine. To me, that’s the other, more positive side of social media. The internet can be a place to find a true family. You can consciously use social media to find the people you’ve always been seeking. At least, that’s what I feel I’ve done. Who makes up the community you’ve been craving? Yes, social media comes with awfulness, and oh yes, you’re going to have to weed through a lot. And you’re going to have to set boundaries and be specific about what you want. And you’re gonna have to do a lot of research. But if you’re willing to put in that time and effort, I have found that some of my online family is more real than my genetic family was growing up. To the best of your ability, create and find community. Having a community that loves you is crucial. A sense of community is your birthright. Having that sense of community is something that you deserve.

The reason I wanted to write this chapter is so that you might give some thought to what you love in a community, what you find toxic in a community, what you fear about community, and what you want to create. If you could create anything, what would you make? If you stopped focusing your efforts on trying to be accepted into another community, what kind of community would you create? Here are some ideal community attributes for you to consider when forming your own space to belong. I would guess you want a community accepting of everyone—a community that loves the eccentrics, the artists, the lovers, and the dreamers. I would also imagine you want

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